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.After that, my delaying tactics seemed to be exhausted, so I handed Logan his mug and said, “I guess I’m confused.”“By what?”“You.” It was far too soon to drink any of the coffee, so I settled for blowing on it, then went on, “I suppose I’m trying to understand why you would even have any interest in women.Wouldn’t your…masters…see that as a distraction?”At first he didn’t reply, but appeared to ponder the question, gray gaze turned inward.His fingers were wrapped around the mug he held, but I noticed he didn’t attempt to drink any of the liquid within.After a long, uncomfortable pause, he said, “I can see why you might think that.On the surface, it makes sense.Remember that I did not have all my training, and so perhaps there are nuances I am missing, but from what I can tell, it seems that was what they first attempted — to have soldiers who were neuter, who did not possess any sort of sex drive.But it turned out that they did not make very good soldiers, since they were lacking the very aggression so often linked to males of your species.”“Low testosterone,” I remarked, and he nodded.“Something like that.At any rate, when they started over, they made their new generations of hybrids fully functional in the sexual sense.It was thought it should not be much of an impediment, since they were never intended to interact with human females, except….”Something about the way he let those words trail off sent alarm bells ringing in my mind.“Except what?”“Except…certain experiments.I don’t know anything else.I’m sorry.”Experiments? That didn’t sound good at all.I almost asked him if he’d been involved in any of those “experiments,” but I doubted he had.From what I could tell, his masters had baked him up and stuffed him in that pod, piped whatever experiences and memories they thought he’d need into his head, although the mental conditioning hadn’t been flawless, since there were obvious gaps in those memories.Certain sotto voce conversations I knew I’d never been meant to hear surfaced in my own mind, things my Aunt Kirsten had let slip.She’d had her own run-ins with the Reptilians back in the day, and although they’d never touched her, never done anything to her physically, it was fairly clear that they’d wanted to…intended to…if the opportunity arose.I knew I was fooling myself if I thought they were safely asexual the way the Grays, the standard big-eyed aliens of popular culture, seemed to be.Still, I had to ask.“Did you participate in any of those experiments?”His response was immediate, and emphatic.“No.Besides the requisite muscle stimulation to ensure that I was functioning properly, I had no experience of anything except that pod.I was placed in there to receive the rest of my training, but, as you already know, that didn’t work out quite as they had intended.”True.Getting part of your base blown up and then your entire complement of fellow Reptilians blasted from the face of the planet a few months later would sort of throw a monkey wrench into things.I could tell from the feel of the mug in my hands that the coffee had cooled enough to be drinkable, so I took a sip, trying to figure out the best way to ask my next question.“So…last night wasn’t part of the masters’ master plan or anything?”At once he set down his own coffee and came toward me, then plucked the mug from my hands so he could twine his fingers with mine and pull me closer to him.Those clear gray eyes seemed to bore into mine.“No.I didn’t plan for any of that to happen.I will admit that when I first saw you, I felt…something…but if you’d asked me then, I couldn’t have even said what it was.But after spending some time with you, and after seeing what is supposed to pass between a man and a woman….”“And after drinking most of a bottle of wine,” I inserted dryly.“That did help to remove some inhibitions,” he admitted.“It helped me to understand that I wanted you.If you did not want it…if you did not want me…why didn’t you stop me?”“I did want you,” I said.God, it sounded so bald, so unvarnished, when said that way.I cleared my throat.But I wasn’t going to lie to him, make him think I’d been unwilling.“I do want you.I suppose I’m trying to understand why.I’m not the kind of person who just jumps in bed with a man.But I did with you.And yes, you’re gorgeous” —he didn’t blink, although I saw one eyebrow lift slightly— “but that can’t be the only reason.”“I don’t think it is.” He let go of my hands, pushed a stray lock of hair back away from my face.“I think it is because we are alike, or at least as alike as either of us would ever be able to find.I am a hybrid, and you are the daughter of one.I can’t imagine it has been easy for you, having to live with that secret.At least, I assume it is a secret.”“Oh, yes, it’s a secret,” I replied, my throat tight.How had he been able to drill to the heart of the matter, to know things about me I had never admitted to anyone else? “I mean, my family knows, and the Olivers — our closest friends — but that’s all.Even the people in the local UFO group don’t have a clue.They all still think I’m an adopted Romanian orphan.”In response, Logan bent and kissed me, very gently, on the forehead.The caress was so tender, so at odds with everything I knew about who he was and where he had come from, that I melted a little more inside.Had anyone ever kissed me like that, as if I were something precious and fragile, someone to be infinitely cherished? I didn’t think so.“But I know the truth,” he said.“Just as you know the truth about me.So we should be comfortable with one another, I think.”He made it sound so easy.I wanted it to be that easy.Who knows…maybe it could.* * *We went into the living room after that, taking our coffee with us, splitting the piece of pumpkin pie I’d brought home the next before [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.After that, my delaying tactics seemed to be exhausted, so I handed Logan his mug and said, “I guess I’m confused.”“By what?”“You.” It was far too soon to drink any of the coffee, so I settled for blowing on it, then went on, “I suppose I’m trying to understand why you would even have any interest in women.Wouldn’t your…masters…see that as a distraction?”At first he didn’t reply, but appeared to ponder the question, gray gaze turned inward.His fingers were wrapped around the mug he held, but I noticed he didn’t attempt to drink any of the liquid within.After a long, uncomfortable pause, he said, “I can see why you might think that.On the surface, it makes sense.Remember that I did not have all my training, and so perhaps there are nuances I am missing, but from what I can tell, it seems that was what they first attempted — to have soldiers who were neuter, who did not possess any sort of sex drive.But it turned out that they did not make very good soldiers, since they were lacking the very aggression so often linked to males of your species.”“Low testosterone,” I remarked, and he nodded.“Something like that.At any rate, when they started over, they made their new generations of hybrids fully functional in the sexual sense.It was thought it should not be much of an impediment, since they were never intended to interact with human females, except….”Something about the way he let those words trail off sent alarm bells ringing in my mind.“Except what?”“Except…certain experiments.I don’t know anything else.I’m sorry.”Experiments? That didn’t sound good at all.I almost asked him if he’d been involved in any of those “experiments,” but I doubted he had.From what I could tell, his masters had baked him up and stuffed him in that pod, piped whatever experiences and memories they thought he’d need into his head, although the mental conditioning hadn’t been flawless, since there were obvious gaps in those memories.Certain sotto voce conversations I knew I’d never been meant to hear surfaced in my own mind, things my Aunt Kirsten had let slip.She’d had her own run-ins with the Reptilians back in the day, and although they’d never touched her, never done anything to her physically, it was fairly clear that they’d wanted to…intended to…if the opportunity arose.I knew I was fooling myself if I thought they were safely asexual the way the Grays, the standard big-eyed aliens of popular culture, seemed to be.Still, I had to ask.“Did you participate in any of those experiments?”His response was immediate, and emphatic.“No.Besides the requisite muscle stimulation to ensure that I was functioning properly, I had no experience of anything except that pod.I was placed in there to receive the rest of my training, but, as you already know, that didn’t work out quite as they had intended.”True.Getting part of your base blown up and then your entire complement of fellow Reptilians blasted from the face of the planet a few months later would sort of throw a monkey wrench into things.I could tell from the feel of the mug in my hands that the coffee had cooled enough to be drinkable, so I took a sip, trying to figure out the best way to ask my next question.“So…last night wasn’t part of the masters’ master plan or anything?”At once he set down his own coffee and came toward me, then plucked the mug from my hands so he could twine his fingers with mine and pull me closer to him.Those clear gray eyes seemed to bore into mine.“No.I didn’t plan for any of that to happen.I will admit that when I first saw you, I felt…something…but if you’d asked me then, I couldn’t have even said what it was.But after spending some time with you, and after seeing what is supposed to pass between a man and a woman….”“And after drinking most of a bottle of wine,” I inserted dryly.“That did help to remove some inhibitions,” he admitted.“It helped me to understand that I wanted you.If you did not want it…if you did not want me…why didn’t you stop me?”“I did want you,” I said.God, it sounded so bald, so unvarnished, when said that way.I cleared my throat.But I wasn’t going to lie to him, make him think I’d been unwilling.“I do want you.I suppose I’m trying to understand why.I’m not the kind of person who just jumps in bed with a man.But I did with you.And yes, you’re gorgeous” —he didn’t blink, although I saw one eyebrow lift slightly— “but that can’t be the only reason.”“I don’t think it is.” He let go of my hands, pushed a stray lock of hair back away from my face.“I think it is because we are alike, or at least as alike as either of us would ever be able to find.I am a hybrid, and you are the daughter of one.I can’t imagine it has been easy for you, having to live with that secret.At least, I assume it is a secret.”“Oh, yes, it’s a secret,” I replied, my throat tight.How had he been able to drill to the heart of the matter, to know things about me I had never admitted to anyone else? “I mean, my family knows, and the Olivers — our closest friends — but that’s all.Even the people in the local UFO group don’t have a clue.They all still think I’m an adopted Romanian orphan.”In response, Logan bent and kissed me, very gently, on the forehead.The caress was so tender, so at odds with everything I knew about who he was and where he had come from, that I melted a little more inside.Had anyone ever kissed me like that, as if I were something precious and fragile, someone to be infinitely cherished? I didn’t think so.“But I know the truth,” he said.“Just as you know the truth about me.So we should be comfortable with one another, I think.”He made it sound so easy.I wanted it to be that easy.Who knows…maybe it could.* * *We went into the living room after that, taking our coffee with us, splitting the piece of pumpkin pie I’d brought home the next before [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]