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.Yet it was by these thatI was punished.My devil had been long caged, he came out roaring.I was conscious, even when I took the draught, of a more unbridled,a more furious propensity to ill.It must have been this, I suppose,that stirred in my soul that tempest of impatience with which Ilistened to the civilities of my unhappy victim; I declare, at least,before God, no man morally sane could have been guilty of thatcrime upon so pitiful a provocation; and that I struck in no morereasonable spirit than that in which a sick child may break aplaything.But I had voluntarily stripped myself of all thosebalancing instincts by which even the worst of us continues to walkwith some degree of steadiness among temptations; and in my case,to be tempted, however slightly, was to fall.Instantly the spirit of hell awoke in me and raged.With atransport of glee, I mauled the unresisting body, tasting delight fromevery blow; and it was not till weariness had begun to succeed, thatI was suddenly, in the top fit of my delirium, struck through the heart by a cold thrill of terror.A mist dispersed; I saw my life to beforfeit; and fled from the scene of these excesses, at once gloryingand trembling, my lust of evil gratified and stimulated, my love oflife screwed to the topmost peg.I ran to the house in Soho, and (tomake assurance doubly sure) destroyed my papers; thence I set outthrough the lamplit streets, in the same divided ecstasy of mind,gloating on my crime, light-headedly devising others in the future,and yet still hastening and still hearkening in my wake for the stepsof the avenger.Hyde had a song upon his lips as he compounded thedraught, and as he drank it, pledged the dead man.The pangs oftransformation had not done tearing him, before Henry Jekyll, withstreaming tears of gratitude and remorse, had fallen upon his kneesand lifted his clasped hands to God.The veil of self-indulgence wasrent from head to foot.I saw my life as a whole: I followed it upfrom the days of childhood, when I had walked with my father'shand, and through the self-denying toils of my professional life, toarrive again and again, with the same sense of unreality, at thedamned horrors of the evening.I could have screamed aloud; Isought with tears and prayers to smother down the crowd of hideousimages and sounds with which my memory swarmed against me; andstill, between the petitions, the ugly face of my iniquity stared intomy soul.As the acuteness of this remorse began to die away, it wassucceeded by a sense of joy.The problem of my conduct was solved.Hyde was thenceforth impossible; whether I would or not, I was nowconfined to the better part of my existence; and O, how I rejoiced tothink of it! with what willing humility I embraced anew therestrictions of natural life! with what sincere renunciation I lockedthe door by which I had so often gone and come, and ground the keyunder my heel!The next day, came the news that the murder had not beenoverlooked, that the guilt of Hyde was patent to the world, and thatthe victim was a man high in public estimation.It was not only acrime, it had been a tragic folly.I think I was glad to know it; I thinkI was glad to have my better impulses thus buttressed and guardedby the terrors of the scaffold.Jekyll was now my city of refuge; letbut Hyde peep out an instant, and the hands of all men would beraised to take and slay him.I resolved in my future conduct to redeem the past; and I can saywith honesty that my resolve was fruitful of some good.You knowyourself how earnestly, in the last months of the last year, I laboured to relieve suffering; you know that much was done for others, andthat the days passed quietly, almost happily for myself.Nor can Itruly say that I wearied of this beneficent and innocent life; I thinkinstead that I daily enjoyed it more completely; but I was still cursedwith my duality of purpose; and as the first edge of my penitencewore off, the lower side of me, so long indulged, so recently chaineddown, began to growl for licence.Not that I dreamed of resuscitatingHyde; the bare idea of that would startle me to frenzy: no, it was inmy own person that I was once more tempted to trifle with myconscience; and it was as an ordinary secret sinner that I at last fellbefore the assaults of temptation.There comes an end to all things; the most capacious measure isfilled at last; and this brief condescension to my evil finallydestroyed the balance of my soul.And yet I was not alarmed; the fallseemed natural, like a return to the old days before I had made mydiscovery.It was a fine, clear, January day, wet under foot where thefrost had melted, but cloudless overhead; and the Regent's Park wasfull of winter chirrupings and sweet with spring odours.I sat in thesun on a bench; the animal within me licking the chops of memory;the spiritual side a little drowsed, promising subsequent penitence,but not yet moved to begin.After all, I reflected, I was like myneighbours; and then I smiled, comparing myself with other men,comparing my active good-will with the lazy cruelty of their neglect.And at the very moment of that vainglorious thought, a qualm cameover me, a horrid nausea and the most deadly shuddering.Thesepassed away, and left me faint; and then as in its turn faintnesssubsided, I began to be aware of a change in the temper of mythoughts, a greater boldness, a contempt of danger, a solution of thebonds of obligation.I looked down; my clothes hung formlessly onmy shrunken limbs; the hand that lay on my knee was corded andhairy.I was once more Edward Hyde.A moment before I had beensafe of all men's respect, wealthy, beloved the cloth laying for mein the dining-room at home; and now I was the common quarry ofmankind, hunted, houseless, a known murderer, thrall to thegallows.My reason wavered, but it did not fail me utterly.I have morethan once observed that in my second character, my faculties seemedsharpened to a point and my spirits more tensely elastic; thus itcame about that, where Jekyll perhaps might have succumbed, Hyderose to the importance of the moment.My drugs were in one of the presses of my cabinet; how was I to reach them? That was theproblem that (crushing my temples in my hands) I set myself tosolve.The laboratory door I had closed.If I sought to enter by thehouse, my own servants would consign me to the gallows.I saw Imust employ another hand, and thought of Lanyon [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.Yet it was by these thatI was punished.My devil had been long caged, he came out roaring.I was conscious, even when I took the draught, of a more unbridled,a more furious propensity to ill.It must have been this, I suppose,that stirred in my soul that tempest of impatience with which Ilistened to the civilities of my unhappy victim; I declare, at least,before God, no man morally sane could have been guilty of thatcrime upon so pitiful a provocation; and that I struck in no morereasonable spirit than that in which a sick child may break aplaything.But I had voluntarily stripped myself of all thosebalancing instincts by which even the worst of us continues to walkwith some degree of steadiness among temptations; and in my case,to be tempted, however slightly, was to fall.Instantly the spirit of hell awoke in me and raged.With atransport of glee, I mauled the unresisting body, tasting delight fromevery blow; and it was not till weariness had begun to succeed, thatI was suddenly, in the top fit of my delirium, struck through the heart by a cold thrill of terror.A mist dispersed; I saw my life to beforfeit; and fled from the scene of these excesses, at once gloryingand trembling, my lust of evil gratified and stimulated, my love oflife screwed to the topmost peg.I ran to the house in Soho, and (tomake assurance doubly sure) destroyed my papers; thence I set outthrough the lamplit streets, in the same divided ecstasy of mind,gloating on my crime, light-headedly devising others in the future,and yet still hastening and still hearkening in my wake for the stepsof the avenger.Hyde had a song upon his lips as he compounded thedraught, and as he drank it, pledged the dead man.The pangs oftransformation had not done tearing him, before Henry Jekyll, withstreaming tears of gratitude and remorse, had fallen upon his kneesand lifted his clasped hands to God.The veil of self-indulgence wasrent from head to foot.I saw my life as a whole: I followed it upfrom the days of childhood, when I had walked with my father'shand, and through the self-denying toils of my professional life, toarrive again and again, with the same sense of unreality, at thedamned horrors of the evening.I could have screamed aloud; Isought with tears and prayers to smother down the crowd of hideousimages and sounds with which my memory swarmed against me; andstill, between the petitions, the ugly face of my iniquity stared intomy soul.As the acuteness of this remorse began to die away, it wassucceeded by a sense of joy.The problem of my conduct was solved.Hyde was thenceforth impossible; whether I would or not, I was nowconfined to the better part of my existence; and O, how I rejoiced tothink of it! with what willing humility I embraced anew therestrictions of natural life! with what sincere renunciation I lockedthe door by which I had so often gone and come, and ground the keyunder my heel!The next day, came the news that the murder had not beenoverlooked, that the guilt of Hyde was patent to the world, and thatthe victim was a man high in public estimation.It was not only acrime, it had been a tragic folly.I think I was glad to know it; I thinkI was glad to have my better impulses thus buttressed and guardedby the terrors of the scaffold.Jekyll was now my city of refuge; letbut Hyde peep out an instant, and the hands of all men would beraised to take and slay him.I resolved in my future conduct to redeem the past; and I can saywith honesty that my resolve was fruitful of some good.You knowyourself how earnestly, in the last months of the last year, I laboured to relieve suffering; you know that much was done for others, andthat the days passed quietly, almost happily for myself.Nor can Itruly say that I wearied of this beneficent and innocent life; I thinkinstead that I daily enjoyed it more completely; but I was still cursedwith my duality of purpose; and as the first edge of my penitencewore off, the lower side of me, so long indulged, so recently chaineddown, began to growl for licence.Not that I dreamed of resuscitatingHyde; the bare idea of that would startle me to frenzy: no, it was inmy own person that I was once more tempted to trifle with myconscience; and it was as an ordinary secret sinner that I at last fellbefore the assaults of temptation.There comes an end to all things; the most capacious measure isfilled at last; and this brief condescension to my evil finallydestroyed the balance of my soul.And yet I was not alarmed; the fallseemed natural, like a return to the old days before I had made mydiscovery.It was a fine, clear, January day, wet under foot where thefrost had melted, but cloudless overhead; and the Regent's Park wasfull of winter chirrupings and sweet with spring odours.I sat in thesun on a bench; the animal within me licking the chops of memory;the spiritual side a little drowsed, promising subsequent penitence,but not yet moved to begin.After all, I reflected, I was like myneighbours; and then I smiled, comparing myself with other men,comparing my active good-will with the lazy cruelty of their neglect.And at the very moment of that vainglorious thought, a qualm cameover me, a horrid nausea and the most deadly shuddering.Thesepassed away, and left me faint; and then as in its turn faintnesssubsided, I began to be aware of a change in the temper of mythoughts, a greater boldness, a contempt of danger, a solution of thebonds of obligation.I looked down; my clothes hung formlessly onmy shrunken limbs; the hand that lay on my knee was corded andhairy.I was once more Edward Hyde.A moment before I had beensafe of all men's respect, wealthy, beloved the cloth laying for mein the dining-room at home; and now I was the common quarry ofmankind, hunted, houseless, a known murderer, thrall to thegallows.My reason wavered, but it did not fail me utterly.I have morethan once observed that in my second character, my faculties seemedsharpened to a point and my spirits more tensely elastic; thus itcame about that, where Jekyll perhaps might have succumbed, Hyderose to the importance of the moment.My drugs were in one of the presses of my cabinet; how was I to reach them? That was theproblem that (crushing my temples in my hands) I set myself tosolve.The laboratory door I had closed.If I sought to enter by thehouse, my own servants would consign me to the gallows.I saw Imust employ another hand, and thought of Lanyon [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]