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."Holy shit.His voice got a little deeper when he said that, and I felt heat coiling deep inside."Well, I don't think you have the right outfit for that," I said, mortified at how husky I sounded.His smile grew."They don't always dress like that, you know," he said, edging closer to me."Sometimes they just look like normal people."My mind was racing.No, I couldn't dive into it.Not here, not now.I needed time.I needed to breathe.Suddenly panicking, I stood up.I couldn't figure out why my brain wanted to claw its way outof my skull, but I just had to get out.Out of this room, out of this house.By the time my tunnel vision cleared, I was on the front porch, leaning heavily on the railing.Ben must think I was insane.Or worse, he'd think that he did something wrong.Shit.Why couldn't Ijust be honest with him? Why couldn't I tell him what I was thinking, instead of panicking and runningaway?I hated my inability to confront this.The fear, the anxiety, whatever it was.The fear that I wasn't good enough.That was what it was.Whenever I tried to roleplay, or perform, it triggered that fear.Thatinadequacy.I was so sure that my dreams would never come true, that my career ambitions were allstupid and pointless, that I couldn't even act for fun.I had to stop running away from it.They tell me what they don't like about themselves, and I help them fix it.The solution to my problem was right in front of my face.When I turned around, I half expected to see Ben standing in the doorway.But he wasn't there.Heart hammering with anticipation, I went back up the stairs, finding him right where I'd left him.Allof the toys were packed away, and his head was bowed, deep in thought.I took a deep breath, walked in, and kneeled at his feet. Chapter Twenty-FiveBenStupid, stupid, stupid.I was so fucking stupid.Here was this girl, this completely vanilla, completely inexperiencedgirl, and I practically dumped a bucket of sex toys on her head.Expecting.what, exactly? That she'dinstantly turn into an insatiable sex kitten?No, I just wanted to give her a gentle introduction to my world.I didn't even care that muchabout any of these props, all I wanted was her sated and smiling in my arms again.However it took toget there, that was fine with me.I didn't need ropes or cuffs, not even a paddle or a belt.If all I ever used was my hand, and Igot to hear her ragged moans again, I'd never wish for anything else.How could I? She was perfect.Just my luck, I'd chosen a pretend fiancee who melted at my touch like we were born to betogether.Why did things have to be so complicated?After what happened in the kitchen, I knew I couldn't go back.Spending the next two yearspretending to be her husband, but unable to do the things I wanted with her - utter torture.And maybe,maybe she'd still be down with vanilla sex.But that wasn't going to be enough.Not when I'dremember how she mewled and squirmed every time I spanked her.When she first ran out of the room, I thought about following her.I ached to make sure she wasokay, but at the same time, I didn't want to put any pressure on her.I split the difference and lookedfor her out the window, and could just barely see her on the porch, leaning out over the railing.Shewas still upright and she wasn't vomiting, didn't appear to be hyperventilating.Fine.So I wasn'tneeded.I sat back down and packed up my stupid toys, one by one.I expected her to come back in, eventually, probably apologize, which I would wave off.I'dput a brave smile on and tell her everything was okay.Because it was.I would make it okay.I justhad to figure out what that meant, first.What I didn't expect was to look up and see her kneeling at my feet.I worked my mouth open and closed a few times, failing to find any words that would fit the situation."I'm tired of running away from what I need," she said, softly."Punish me."An eternity passed."Jenna." I searched for the right words."You don't have to."Her eyes blazed, and I drifted off."Ever since I came to New York, I've been scared," she said."I guess it's been there mywhole life, I just pretended like it wasn't.I acted like I was confident and I couldn't fail.But I knowthat's not true.And ever since I got here, I've been setting myself up for misery.You know how Iended up at that stupid porno audition? Because I never even bother submitting to the ones that seemtoo ambitious for me.I was going for something that seemed like it was on my level."She smiled, bitterly, then went on."That's how I've been thinking, ever since I came.And when it seemed like you were about tostart some roleplay, I freaked out.Because I'm afraid to do the one thing that I really want to do.If Isuck at roleplay then I suck at acting, and if I suck at acting, it's all over."She stopped, breathing quickly, and I found myself mesmerized by the rise and fall of herchest."Acting is all I have.It's all I've ever wanted to do.The stakes are too high - so I just runaway from it.I have to stop running away, and I need your help to do it."My heart was racing as I stared at her.Holy shit, she actually wanted it - and for the rightreasons.She understood why I did what I did.She needed my discipline, wanted my discipline, and Iwas ready to give it to her.Take a deep breath, Chase.Count to ten.I had to consider the ramifications.We weren't really together.Sure, I wanted it to seemauthentic, but this was going way, way too far.But it was too late.I couldn't put a stop to this now."Are you sure?" I asked her.She blinked, slowly."Yes."There was no doubt in her voice, in her expression.Inside, I thrilled.I fought to keep my face neutral."All right," I said, slowly."Give me a minute.Let me think upa suitable punishment."She nodded, smiling a little."Should I leave you alone?"I shook my head.I was afraid if she walked out of the room, she'd never come back.Not that Ithought this was some moment of insanity, but it certainly wasn't her usual thing.I didn't think she'dregret it.But given enough time, she might try to back out.Especially given her checkered past withthe subject.I could do the obvious.A straight up, "you messed up and now I'm punishing you" spanking.Followed by wild sex, of course.That was a given.But there was another scenario that popped intomy head and just wouldn't leave.But it might be too much, especially considering the source of heranxiety and what she'd just gone through with her last audition.Still, it was worth a try."Would you be willing to try an experiment with me?" I asked, finally.She nodded, eagerly."Here's my idea," I began, taking a deep breath."I want to roleplay.But it's going to be easy.You'll just be yourself.I'll be a casting director.You're coming in to read a scene in which a husband spanks his wife, for disobeying him." I heard her breathing quicken, saw her eyes widen slightly."Buthe doesn't find your read convincing enough.However, he likes you.so he's determined to raise thestakes until you can prove that you're right for the part." I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry.For a moment, the only sound in the room was her rapid breaths.She sat up straighter, pullingher shoulders back so that I had no choice but to notice her arousal through the thin fabric of her shirt [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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."Holy shit.His voice got a little deeper when he said that, and I felt heat coiling deep inside."Well, I don't think you have the right outfit for that," I said, mortified at how husky I sounded.His smile grew."They don't always dress like that, you know," he said, edging closer to me."Sometimes they just look like normal people."My mind was racing.No, I couldn't dive into it.Not here, not now.I needed time.I needed to breathe.Suddenly panicking, I stood up.I couldn't figure out why my brain wanted to claw its way outof my skull, but I just had to get out.Out of this room, out of this house.By the time my tunnel vision cleared, I was on the front porch, leaning heavily on the railing.Ben must think I was insane.Or worse, he'd think that he did something wrong.Shit.Why couldn't Ijust be honest with him? Why couldn't I tell him what I was thinking, instead of panicking and runningaway?I hated my inability to confront this.The fear, the anxiety, whatever it was.The fear that I wasn't good enough.That was what it was.Whenever I tried to roleplay, or perform, it triggered that fear.Thatinadequacy.I was so sure that my dreams would never come true, that my career ambitions were allstupid and pointless, that I couldn't even act for fun.I had to stop running away from it.They tell me what they don't like about themselves, and I help them fix it.The solution to my problem was right in front of my face.When I turned around, I half expected to see Ben standing in the doorway.But he wasn't there.Heart hammering with anticipation, I went back up the stairs, finding him right where I'd left him.Allof the toys were packed away, and his head was bowed, deep in thought.I took a deep breath, walked in, and kneeled at his feet. Chapter Twenty-FiveBenStupid, stupid, stupid.I was so fucking stupid.Here was this girl, this completely vanilla, completely inexperiencedgirl, and I practically dumped a bucket of sex toys on her head.Expecting.what, exactly? That she'dinstantly turn into an insatiable sex kitten?No, I just wanted to give her a gentle introduction to my world.I didn't even care that muchabout any of these props, all I wanted was her sated and smiling in my arms again.However it took toget there, that was fine with me.I didn't need ropes or cuffs, not even a paddle or a belt.If all I ever used was my hand, and Igot to hear her ragged moans again, I'd never wish for anything else.How could I? She was perfect.Just my luck, I'd chosen a pretend fiancee who melted at my touch like we were born to betogether.Why did things have to be so complicated?After what happened in the kitchen, I knew I couldn't go back.Spending the next two yearspretending to be her husband, but unable to do the things I wanted with her - utter torture.And maybe,maybe she'd still be down with vanilla sex.But that wasn't going to be enough.Not when I'dremember how she mewled and squirmed every time I spanked her.When she first ran out of the room, I thought about following her.I ached to make sure she wasokay, but at the same time, I didn't want to put any pressure on her.I split the difference and lookedfor her out the window, and could just barely see her on the porch, leaning out over the railing.Shewas still upright and she wasn't vomiting, didn't appear to be hyperventilating.Fine.So I wasn'tneeded.I sat back down and packed up my stupid toys, one by one.I expected her to come back in, eventually, probably apologize, which I would wave off.I'dput a brave smile on and tell her everything was okay.Because it was.I would make it okay.I justhad to figure out what that meant, first.What I didn't expect was to look up and see her kneeling at my feet.I worked my mouth open and closed a few times, failing to find any words that would fit the situation."I'm tired of running away from what I need," she said, softly."Punish me."An eternity passed."Jenna." I searched for the right words."You don't have to."Her eyes blazed, and I drifted off."Ever since I came to New York, I've been scared," she said."I guess it's been there mywhole life, I just pretended like it wasn't.I acted like I was confident and I couldn't fail.But I knowthat's not true.And ever since I got here, I've been setting myself up for misery.You know how Iended up at that stupid porno audition? Because I never even bother submitting to the ones that seemtoo ambitious for me.I was going for something that seemed like it was on my level."She smiled, bitterly, then went on."That's how I've been thinking, ever since I came.And when it seemed like you were about tostart some roleplay, I freaked out.Because I'm afraid to do the one thing that I really want to do.If Isuck at roleplay then I suck at acting, and if I suck at acting, it's all over."She stopped, breathing quickly, and I found myself mesmerized by the rise and fall of herchest."Acting is all I have.It's all I've ever wanted to do.The stakes are too high - so I just runaway from it.I have to stop running away, and I need your help to do it."My heart was racing as I stared at her.Holy shit, she actually wanted it - and for the rightreasons.She understood why I did what I did.She needed my discipline, wanted my discipline, and Iwas ready to give it to her.Take a deep breath, Chase.Count to ten.I had to consider the ramifications.We weren't really together.Sure, I wanted it to seemauthentic, but this was going way, way too far.But it was too late.I couldn't put a stop to this now."Are you sure?" I asked her.She blinked, slowly."Yes."There was no doubt in her voice, in her expression.Inside, I thrilled.I fought to keep my face neutral."All right," I said, slowly."Give me a minute.Let me think upa suitable punishment."She nodded, smiling a little."Should I leave you alone?"I shook my head.I was afraid if she walked out of the room, she'd never come back.Not that Ithought this was some moment of insanity, but it certainly wasn't her usual thing.I didn't think she'dregret it.But given enough time, she might try to back out.Especially given her checkered past withthe subject.I could do the obvious.A straight up, "you messed up and now I'm punishing you" spanking.Followed by wild sex, of course.That was a given.But there was another scenario that popped intomy head and just wouldn't leave.But it might be too much, especially considering the source of heranxiety and what she'd just gone through with her last audition.Still, it was worth a try."Would you be willing to try an experiment with me?" I asked, finally.She nodded, eagerly."Here's my idea," I began, taking a deep breath."I want to roleplay.But it's going to be easy.You'll just be yourself.I'll be a casting director.You're coming in to read a scene in which a husband spanks his wife, for disobeying him." I heard her breathing quicken, saw her eyes widen slightly."Buthe doesn't find your read convincing enough.However, he likes you.so he's determined to raise thestakes until you can prove that you're right for the part." I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry.For a moment, the only sound in the room was her rapid breaths.She sat up straighter, pullingher shoulders back so that I had no choice but to notice her arousal through the thin fabric of her shirt [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]