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.Under the overalls it looked as if she were hiding a basketball.She kept looking at me until she knew I was staring at her stomach.Then she stopped in Page 38ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.htmlthe middle of the floor and took off the jeans and shirt.She was pregnant.It was obscene and comical.She stood with her hands at her sides and smiled at me.I couldn't take my eyes off her form.There was nothing sexual or prurient about the stares, either.It was too outrageous to be sexy, something Eric Fischl or Paul Cadmus might have included in one of their paintings.Or Bosch.Bosch! _The Garden of Earthly Delights_.After _Midnight_ first appeared, Phil said in interviews he'd gotten most of his visual inspiration from that painting.At Harvard he'd kept a large print of it over his desk.I could remember only certain details, but looking at this little pregnant girl I was somehow sure she was in the painting too.That chilled me more than anything else.Chill two came when she spoke.It came out a deep, hoarse, chocolate mousse of a voice: Lauren Bacall's in _To Have and Have Not_, sexy and available.A voice that had smoked thousands of cigarettes and would stay out all night with you."This is what you want." She went to a side table, picked up a book, brought it to me."It was the one he was reading before he shot himself." I wanted to look at her and at the book at the same time.She offered it open to a specific page.I reached out hesitantly and took it: _The Selected Poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke_.There were red stains over the white page."The Second Elegy." The girl walked to the television set and switched it off.Turning to me, she spoke slowly and clearly."Every angel is terrifying.And yet, alas, I invoke you, almost deadly birds of the soul, knowing about you.But if the archangel now, perilous, from behind the stars took even one step down toward us: our own heart, beating higher and higher, would beat us to death.Who _are_ you?""You're Pinsleepe, aren't you?""Yes."I didn't know what more to say.She was Pinsleepe the angel.The angel that had come to Phil before he died and told him to stop making the Midnight films because they were evil."Was he really reading about angels before he did it?"Her nakedness was smooth and angular.Women have curves, little girls angles.Even pregnant little girls.She stood there smiling."I think so.I'd come over to make him a sandwich for lunch.When I got here, he was sitting on the patio with that book turned to that page.""Sasha told me _she_ came over to make him lunch!""She did._We_ did.""I don't understand."The girl took my hand and led me to the couch."Do you remember a night in Vienna when you and Sasha went out to the --""Look, get to the point! I don't _understand_ any of this, see? My best friend killed himself.Called me up to talk about thumbs, then killed himself.That doesn't make sense, does it? I've heard stories about him for two days.Tattoos coming alive.Videotapes! One of them had my mother dying on it.Now you.Christ! Just tell me what the fuck is going on!"She picked up a pink pillow and put it over her hairless lap."My name is Pinsleepe.I came because he was in trouble.""What kind of trouble?""With God.""Look, I believe in angels.Truth! But _you're_ not what I believed.Understand? They don't have to come out of the sky, or -- I've dreamt of them all my life.I looked everywhere for them: in friends, and on the street like lost coins.I even knew a woman once."You're an angel, Pinsleepe? Then show me.Fly.Or do a miracle.Angels can--"Page 39ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.htmlShe held up a hand for quiet, then lowered it to her distended belly.Beneath those small fingers it began to grow transparent.Healthy skin color faded in a moment to skin of glass.Inside, and easy to see, curled in on itself but showing enough face to make out, was a fetus with long brown hair: a tiny unborn Sasha Makrianes."Sasha and I are pregnant with each other, Weber.Whoever gives birth first, lives.Only the baby dies.""Why? What does Sasha have to do with Phil? She doesn't even know where the baby _came_ from! Is it his?""No.It came with her cancer.Both are wrong and unnatural things, but so was Phil's death [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.Under the overalls it looked as if she were hiding a basketball.She kept looking at me until she knew I was staring at her stomach.Then she stopped in Page 38ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.htmlthe middle of the floor and took off the jeans and shirt.She was pregnant.It was obscene and comical.She stood with her hands at her sides and smiled at me.I couldn't take my eyes off her form.There was nothing sexual or prurient about the stares, either.It was too outrageous to be sexy, something Eric Fischl or Paul Cadmus might have included in one of their paintings.Or Bosch.Bosch! _The Garden of Earthly Delights_.After _Midnight_ first appeared, Phil said in interviews he'd gotten most of his visual inspiration from that painting.At Harvard he'd kept a large print of it over his desk.I could remember only certain details, but looking at this little pregnant girl I was somehow sure she was in the painting too.That chilled me more than anything else.Chill two came when she spoke.It came out a deep, hoarse, chocolate mousse of a voice: Lauren Bacall's in _To Have and Have Not_, sexy and available.A voice that had smoked thousands of cigarettes and would stay out all night with you."This is what you want." She went to a side table, picked up a book, brought it to me."It was the one he was reading before he shot himself." I wanted to look at her and at the book at the same time.She offered it open to a specific page.I reached out hesitantly and took it: _The Selected Poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke_.There were red stains over the white page."The Second Elegy." The girl walked to the television set and switched it off.Turning to me, she spoke slowly and clearly."Every angel is terrifying.And yet, alas, I invoke you, almost deadly birds of the soul, knowing about you.But if the archangel now, perilous, from behind the stars took even one step down toward us: our own heart, beating higher and higher, would beat us to death.Who _are_ you?""You're Pinsleepe, aren't you?""Yes."I didn't know what more to say.She was Pinsleepe the angel.The angel that had come to Phil before he died and told him to stop making the Midnight films because they were evil."Was he really reading about angels before he did it?"Her nakedness was smooth and angular.Women have curves, little girls angles.Even pregnant little girls.She stood there smiling."I think so.I'd come over to make him a sandwich for lunch.When I got here, he was sitting on the patio with that book turned to that page.""Sasha told me _she_ came over to make him lunch!""She did._We_ did.""I don't understand."The girl took my hand and led me to the couch."Do you remember a night in Vienna when you and Sasha went out to the --""Look, get to the point! I don't _understand_ any of this, see? My best friend killed himself.Called me up to talk about thumbs, then killed himself.That doesn't make sense, does it? I've heard stories about him for two days.Tattoos coming alive.Videotapes! One of them had my mother dying on it.Now you.Christ! Just tell me what the fuck is going on!"She picked up a pink pillow and put it over her hairless lap."My name is Pinsleepe.I came because he was in trouble.""What kind of trouble?""With God.""Look, I believe in angels.Truth! But _you're_ not what I believed.Understand? They don't have to come out of the sky, or -- I've dreamt of them all my life.I looked everywhere for them: in friends, and on the street like lost coins.I even knew a woman once."You're an angel, Pinsleepe? Then show me.Fly.Or do a miracle.Angels can--"Page 39ABC Amber Palm Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abcpalm.htmlShe held up a hand for quiet, then lowered it to her distended belly.Beneath those small fingers it began to grow transparent.Healthy skin color faded in a moment to skin of glass.Inside, and easy to see, curled in on itself but showing enough face to make out, was a fetus with long brown hair: a tiny unborn Sasha Makrianes."Sasha and I are pregnant with each other, Weber.Whoever gives birth first, lives.Only the baby dies.""Why? What does Sasha have to do with Phil? She doesn't even know where the baby _came_ from! Is it his?""No.It came with her cancer.Both are wrong and unnatural things, but so was Phil's death [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]