[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.But it was real.I guess I knewit couldn’t last.You see, Gypsies, they pulled a funny on me.If I ever experience a moment of truehappiness, if my soul is ever at peace, I’ll lose it, become a monster again.So I had to leave.Iwanted to shut the world out.No more love, no more pain, no more demons.”And that was what it all boiled down to: the grief had a name.Buffy.Darla had tempted him.Drusilla, he had corrupted.Faith, he had failed.Tina was dead.Tina, whose trust was shattered too many times.Who ran from the one person sheshould have been able to run to.But Buffy.Every thought he’d had, every memory he had relived since returning to Los Angeles, related to his lovefor the Slayer.He had fallen in love with Buffy that very first time he had seen her.He remembered telling her that once;something about how she held out her heart, and him wanting to hold it against his chest.It had actuallybeen very gross, and they’d chuckled over it.Thinking of it now, he smiled wistfully.He wondered about her constantly.Tried to imagine what shewas doing.The pain washed over him in waves.Buffy.He remembered their night, their only night; and as he did so, he realized he was finally saying goodbye.The memories would start to fade.That hurt worst of all.The memories would fade.Sunnydale, 1998The blue demon called the Judge had tried to burn them, kill them for their humanity to charge up hisevil-force batteries.Together, in the strange almost-telepathy they shared, Buffy and Angel had created aGenerated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.htmldiversion — dropping a pile of TV sets on the floor — which had also, luckily, broken through the floor.Voilà, instant escape route.To neither’s joy, they landed in the sewer.Silently, no need for talk, they slogged through the muck untilthey found an opened utility door.With an economy of motion a Green Beret would envy, they dartedinside and shut the door behind them.Spike and Dru’s followers landed soon after.The two were hot on their trail, but they couldn’t see thenearly invisible seams of the closed door, and moved on.After waiting a few more minutes than they thought were necessary, Buffy and Angel reemerged into thetunnel.As good city planning would have it, there was a ladder nearby, which led to the street overhead.The rain was coming down in sheets, washing the street to a slick, black shine as Buffy pushed themanhole cover out of the way.She was shivering almost uncontrollably by the time Angel got out andtook a quick mental survey of their surroundings.“Come on,” he bellowed over the thunder.“We need to get inside.”They slogged through the weather to his apartment.Ever chivalrous — might have had something to dowith when he was born — he unlocked the door and let her enter first.The dim light made Buffy look colder as she stood in the center of the room.Across the wall, just abovehis bed, the reflection of the rain down the window made a strange kinetic sculpture.Angel pulled off his duster and turned to her, stroking her shoulders.“You’re shaking like a leaf,” hesaid.She nodded, shuddering violently.“C-cold.”“Let me get you something.” He went to his dresser and got out a bulky white sweater and a pair ofsweats.They smelled as if they’d just come out of a warm dryer.Handing them to her, he suggested, “Put these on and get under the covers.Just to warm up.”A little hesitantly, maybe feeling shy and self-conscious, Buffy walked over to his neatly made bed.Shestood in front of it for just a second before she sat down on the mattress, the bundle of fresh clothes inher arms.The coverlet and pillow cases were scarlet.The rain continued its drizzling pattern on the wall.Distant thunder rumbled.Lightning crashed.Angel came to her and faced her.When she looked up at him, he realized he was staring at her.He said,“Sorry,” and turned around.Still, she was very near.He could almost smell her, the wetness of her hair, the tantalizing freshness ofher skin.Buffy always smelled good, though she herself would beg to differ.She was awkward as she unbuttoned the drenched cardigan of her twin set.As she drew out her leftGenerated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.htmlarm, she grunted.There was something wrong with her shoulder.“What?”“Oh, um.I — I just have a cut or something,” she murmured as she finished taking off her sweater.Heknew she knew he wanted to look at her, and she was behaving with touching shyness.“Can I.Let me see.” His voice was gentle but firm.He would brook no refusal; if Buffy was injured,he wanted to know.“Okay.” Modestly she arranged the sweater across her front so that she was covered.He was movedby her innocence.This was a Buffy he had glimpsed on several occasions, but to see her here, in hisroom, on his bed.it gave him an overwhelming sense of protectiveness toward her.He sat behind her on the bed as she turned to show him the wound on her back.His fingers touched her shoulder as he pulled the spaghetti strap of her camisole down.His touch wasinfinitely gentle and tender.Both of his hands moved over her upper back, “It’s already closed,” he saidhoarsely.“You’re fine.”Neither moved.Buffy was trembling harder.Angel swallowed hard.He was certain he could hear herheartbeat, or was that his own pulse magically restored, racing as his arms cradled her?She turned, leaned into him.Breathed him in.Tears welled.He was overcome by her nearness, by thefact that he had almost lost her.That tonight he had thought he might never see her again.Echoing his thoughts, she said, “You almost went away today.”His fingertips stroked her arm as he held her, tension in his body.He was being careful of her; he wasstruggling against what was taking them both over: the fear, and the need.He reminded himself constantlyof how young she was, how innocent in these matters.How could she be otherwise? She spent most ofher waking hours fighting monsters, not kissing boys.He said, “We both did.”She started to cry.“Angel, I feel like.if I lost you.” She caught her breath.“You’re right, though.We can’t be sure of anything.” She moved her lips to the side of his face and wept.“Sssh.I.”She opened her eyes, waited.Looked at him.“You what?”“I love you.”And when he said it, her eyes brightened in wonder, though the tears were still there.He loved Buffy [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.But it was real.I guess I knewit couldn’t last.You see, Gypsies, they pulled a funny on me.If I ever experience a moment of truehappiness, if my soul is ever at peace, I’ll lose it, become a monster again.So I had to leave.Iwanted to shut the world out.No more love, no more pain, no more demons.”And that was what it all boiled down to: the grief had a name.Buffy.Darla had tempted him.Drusilla, he had corrupted.Faith, he had failed.Tina was dead.Tina, whose trust was shattered too many times.Who ran from the one person sheshould have been able to run to.But Buffy.Every thought he’d had, every memory he had relived since returning to Los Angeles, related to his lovefor the Slayer.He had fallen in love with Buffy that very first time he had seen her.He remembered telling her that once;something about how she held out her heart, and him wanting to hold it against his chest.It had actuallybeen very gross, and they’d chuckled over it.Thinking of it now, he smiled wistfully.He wondered about her constantly.Tried to imagine what shewas doing.The pain washed over him in waves.Buffy.He remembered their night, their only night; and as he did so, he realized he was finally saying goodbye.The memories would start to fade.That hurt worst of all.The memories would fade.Sunnydale, 1998The blue demon called the Judge had tried to burn them, kill them for their humanity to charge up hisevil-force batteries.Together, in the strange almost-telepathy they shared, Buffy and Angel had created aGenerated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.htmldiversion — dropping a pile of TV sets on the floor — which had also, luckily, broken through the floor.Voilà, instant escape route.To neither’s joy, they landed in the sewer.Silently, no need for talk, they slogged through the muck untilthey found an opened utility door.With an economy of motion a Green Beret would envy, they dartedinside and shut the door behind them.Spike and Dru’s followers landed soon after.The two were hot on their trail, but they couldn’t see thenearly invisible seams of the closed door, and moved on.After waiting a few more minutes than they thought were necessary, Buffy and Angel reemerged into thetunnel.As good city planning would have it, there was a ladder nearby, which led to the street overhead.The rain was coming down in sheets, washing the street to a slick, black shine as Buffy pushed themanhole cover out of the way.She was shivering almost uncontrollably by the time Angel got out andtook a quick mental survey of their surroundings.“Come on,” he bellowed over the thunder.“We need to get inside.”They slogged through the weather to his apartment.Ever chivalrous — might have had something to dowith when he was born — he unlocked the door and let her enter first.The dim light made Buffy look colder as she stood in the center of the room.Across the wall, just abovehis bed, the reflection of the rain down the window made a strange kinetic sculpture.Angel pulled off his duster and turned to her, stroking her shoulders.“You’re shaking like a leaf,” hesaid.She nodded, shuddering violently.“C-cold.”“Let me get you something.” He went to his dresser and got out a bulky white sweater and a pair ofsweats.They smelled as if they’d just come out of a warm dryer.Handing them to her, he suggested, “Put these on and get under the covers.Just to warm up.”A little hesitantly, maybe feeling shy and self-conscious, Buffy walked over to his neatly made bed.Shestood in front of it for just a second before she sat down on the mattress, the bundle of fresh clothes inher arms.The coverlet and pillow cases were scarlet.The rain continued its drizzling pattern on the wall.Distant thunder rumbled.Lightning crashed.Angel came to her and faced her.When she looked up at him, he realized he was staring at her.He said,“Sorry,” and turned around.Still, she was very near.He could almost smell her, the wetness of her hair, the tantalizing freshness ofher skin.Buffy always smelled good, though she herself would beg to differ.She was awkward as she unbuttoned the drenched cardigan of her twin set.As she drew out her leftGenerated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.htmlarm, she grunted.There was something wrong with her shoulder.“What?”“Oh, um.I — I just have a cut or something,” she murmured as she finished taking off her sweater.Heknew she knew he wanted to look at her, and she was behaving with touching shyness.“Can I.Let me see.” His voice was gentle but firm.He would brook no refusal; if Buffy was injured,he wanted to know.“Okay.” Modestly she arranged the sweater across her front so that she was covered.He was movedby her innocence.This was a Buffy he had glimpsed on several occasions, but to see her here, in hisroom, on his bed.it gave him an overwhelming sense of protectiveness toward her.He sat behind her on the bed as she turned to show him the wound on her back.His fingers touched her shoulder as he pulled the spaghetti strap of her camisole down.His touch wasinfinitely gentle and tender.Both of his hands moved over her upper back, “It’s already closed,” he saidhoarsely.“You’re fine.”Neither moved.Buffy was trembling harder.Angel swallowed hard.He was certain he could hear herheartbeat, or was that his own pulse magically restored, racing as his arms cradled her?She turned, leaned into him.Breathed him in.Tears welled.He was overcome by her nearness, by thefact that he had almost lost her.That tonight he had thought he might never see her again.Echoing his thoughts, she said, “You almost went away today.”His fingertips stroked her arm as he held her, tension in his body.He was being careful of her; he wasstruggling against what was taking them both over: the fear, and the need.He reminded himself constantlyof how young she was, how innocent in these matters.How could she be otherwise? She spent most ofher waking hours fighting monsters, not kissing boys.He said, “We both did.”She started to cry.“Angel, I feel like.if I lost you.” She caught her breath.“You’re right, though.We can’t be sure of anything.” She moved her lips to the side of his face and wept.“Sssh.I.”She opened her eyes, waited.Looked at him.“You what?”“I love you.”And when he said it, her eyes brightened in wonder, though the tears were still there.He loved Buffy [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]