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.Nothing.He knocked, put his hand over his eyes, and then looked inside through the entrance window to see if anyone was about.The stairs on the other side of the glass were dark and there was a pile of shoes by the door.He pulled away and knocked harder, but no one came.Thinking Nick's car might still be close, he walked back to the road in hope of being able to wave him back."Ezra!" he heard her yell.He looked back and saw her in one of the second floor windows."Hey, why didn't you answer the door?""Sorry, I fell asleep.One minute." She disappeared from the window then opened the front door.She kissed him in the entrance before he could even take off his shoes.When he held her she felt warm and sleepy.She led him downstairs and turned on the television.For a while they sat together on the couch and she held his hand and leaned against him.They watched Saturday afternoon reruns of Growing Pains and The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.Ezra barely paid attention to the television.He sat there wondering if she could feel the tension under his skin, and thought about how it was all going to happen.After an hour or so he turned to kiss her and they slowly fell back onto the sofa together.Ezra put his hand on her breast and she pulled him closer.They pushed against each other as if they were having sex.In the background the dubbed in laughter from the sitcom droned.Lila ran the tip of her tongue along the front of his teeth and gums.He found it strange but exciting and reached under her shirt and bra.The couch cushions were in the way so she pulled them out from under her and threw them onto the floor.Ezra pushed her shirt up and she lifted up her arms so he could take it off.Her warm breath pressed against his ear.The dark skin of her exposed stomach and chest heaved and flushed."Do you want to come upstairs with me?" she whispered."Yes."She stood in front of him, half naked, her breasts falling, and held her hand out to him.He took it and pulled her in close to kiss her smooth stomach.Pulling him gently behind her, she took him up the stairs.The lines and shape of her back looked beautiful to him and he stopped to caress it.Lila turned the lights down to a glow in her bedroom, and he lay down upon the unmade bed.She searched through a pile of tapes on her dresser, found what she was looking for, and put it in her stereo."What are you putting in?" he asked from below her."Soundgarden."But it wasn't Soundgarden.He recognized it as soon as he heard the first few notes of the introduction.It was Ten, the same album he had come to know so well that summer."This isn't Soundgarden.""It isn't?""No, it's Pearl Jam."She smiled at him.Cars went by outside the open window and he could hear people talking in one of the neighbor's yards.Ezra held her under her ribs and pushed her further up on top of him so that he could put his mouth on her breasts.I admit it.what's to sayI'll relive it.without painBackseat lover on the side of the roadI got a bomb in my templeand it's gonna explodeI got a sixteen gauge buried under my clothes.I play.The music drowned out the voices coming from outside.He was not sure if he should take off his own shirt or if he should wait for her to do it.But it didn't go either way.She moved down his body and undid his pants and took him in her mouth.At first he thought he would come right away, but then he remembered Nick Carraway's advice: to think of mathematics problems, new clothes, and their family studies teacher Mrs.Kerr when the moment threatened to overwhelm him, and he held out.Lila finally pushed his shirt up and he pulled it over his head and threw it onto the floor.Soon she stopped and he turned her over and unbuttoned her pants.He kissed her desperately now and slid his hand down the front of her panties.Then his fingers were inside her.Holding her tightly, he pushed up between her legs and she cried out, the pitch of her voice sharp and needy.After a few minutes of this she stood up fast and took her pants all the way off."Do you have a condom?""In my pocket." He reached down for his pants and pulled it out.It was dark and his fingers were wet so he had a hard time opening the package.She lay underneath him, still and with her legs open."What's wrong?" she asked as he fumbled around."I can't see what I'm doing.""Go put it on the bathroom.Hurry."He walked quickly into the hallway.The bathroom was right across from her bedroom and he went inside without bothering to shut the door behind him.There was blood all over his hands.It had run down his wrists and forearms, dried in some places and was still wet in others.In a panic, he put the condom down on the sink and, standing there naked in front of the mirror, tried to wash off the blood."Of course," he thought, "things can't just go normally for me.Something has to go wrong." He didn't know what to do.Should he just go back into her room and do it like he had never noticed? He didn't want to embarrass her or make her feel awkward.But surely she must already know? Or maybe it was something that normally happened but that no one ever talked about.Moving fast he took the wrapper off the condom and tried to roll it on to his softening penis."Lila," he called out to her quietly, stepping back into the bedroom."What's taking so long? What's wrong?" she asked.She had the covers pulled up over her now."Nothing's wrong.Do you know you're bleeding?""I am?""Yeah.Is it time to start your period?""No." She paused for a moment."I just bleed like that sometimes."He was confused."You mean for no reason?""Yeah, just every once in a while.""You don't know why?""No.Do you want to stop?""No, I mean.I don't want to.But I think we better." He felt awkward."Okay," she said from under the blankets.Moving towards her, he said,."Let me lie with you?""Sure," she answered softly.Ezra got into bed and put his arms around her.They lay there, young and naked, against one another, both anxious over what had happened, but neither talked about it again.I see the wordsOn a rocking horse of timeI see the verse in the rainEzra came home early from the party.Gord and Elsie were not home yet and Olyvia and Ariadne were sitting on the couch watching a movie.The room was dark, except for a couple of black candles that were lit on the coffee table.Ariadne had her head in Olyvia's lap and seemed to be nodding in and out of sleep as Olyvia stroked her hair.He asked where Layne was and Olyvia told him that he had already gone to bed.The sound of a new voice in the room stirred Ariadne out of her half-sleep.She stretched, cat-like and supple, over Olyvia's legs.Ezra wanted to go to his bedroom and be alone, or sleep, so when his aunt started asking him questions about where he had been and whether or not he had enjoyed himself, he was short and dismissive.He thought about asking her if she had read his poems and short story but then decided against it.At the moment he just didn't care.Glad to be alone in his room, he undressed, threw his clothes onto the floor as if they had been a punishment he had been bound in on some long journey, and got into his bed.He had not had enough alcohol at the party to make him drunk, but lying flat on his back and staring at the ceiling, the room spun a little.Was it that she didn't understand her menstrual cycle? She was eighteen and he thought not [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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