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.“Ann Marie’s on night watch.”“Nick,” Ryanne said softly.She’d put all the evidence together.“I saw all the books by your reading chair.”“Uh-huh.”“Do you have a sleep disorder?”He didn’t answer and she feared she’d gone too far.She didn’t share personal things with him, after all.She shouldn’t have asked.She’d stepped over the line into something he had chosen not to tell her about.Silence stretched uncomfortably along the phone line.Chapter TwelveFinally, he said, “Insomnia.”“That must be miserable.”“It’s getting better.I just have to practice the relaxation methods that work for me and keep a schedule.I can’t sleep during the day or drink or smoke, which I don’t do anyway.I need to get bright light during the day, keep a sleep journal—you didn’t read that, did you?”“No.”“And—don’t laugh.”“I don’t think this is a laughing matter.”“Well, I schedule worry time for during the day.I don’t allow myself to worry at night.”“That’s disciplined,” she said, wondering like mad what it was he worried about.“Actually, I’m not supposed to do anything in bed except sleep…but I make an exception for you.”“You mean sleeping with me?”“No, I mean sex.”She laughed.“Well, the kitchen table would be a little uncomfortable.”He laughed, too, and then silence stretched between them.“Rye,” he said softly.“What?”He paused a moment too long.“I, uh, miss you.”“I’ll probably stay a few more days.”“Enjoy your time with your mom.Give her my love.”A little thrill of alarm went through her chest at his simple words.“I will.”“Night.”“Good night, Nick.” She stared at her hand on the phone, felt the chugging of her heart at Nick’s mention of the word love, even spoken so casually and in reference to her mother.Ryanne had the feeling he’d wanted to say something more to her.That terrified her.Turning off the light, she snuggled under the sheet and lightweight blanket.Don’t worry at night.That was a good theory, if you could put it into practice.In the depths of night, her mind sometimes drove her crazy with troubling thoughts and memories.What problems did Nick have to keep him awake? His life seemed so orderly, so simple, and he always seemed satisfied with it.Didn’t he? Sure, maybe he regretted that his marriage hadn’t worked out, but Ryanne had never picked up on any feelings that he was still grieving over his ex-wife.His voice in her ear was still a tangible memory.She closed her eyes and savored it.I miss you.Dangerous.Risky.Too much.Way too much.Honest.Nick was honest with her.With himself.He missed her.She couldn’t even let herself return the thought.She couldn’t afford to miss him.If she missed him now, she’d miss him more when she took a job and left.Nope, she wasn’t going there.Ryanne turned her thoughts to the job offers she’d received earlier in the week.After two promising phone interviews, she had narrowed her choice down.Now she vowed to make a decision on one of them before she went back to Elmwood.It was time to stop playing games and get back to real life.She’d been closing off reality for too long.Nick Sinclair wasn’t part of her real life.“Your mother told me you were beautiful, but I thought that was just a mother’s biased opinion,” Gil Redding said the next evening as they stood in the kitchen.Ryanne blushed at the compliment.“Thank you.”“I hope you like blackened salmon.” Gil tossed a colorful green salad and then served it up onto salad plates.“I love salmon,” Ryanne said.“Good.” He added mandarin oranges and slivered almonds and drizzled the salad with poppy seed dressing.“Want to set these on the table?”“Everything is so pretty and smells wonderful.” She and her mother took their places.“I practice on your mother for my show.It’s all perfectly nutritious, you know.We watch our diet carefully.”“I’m a healthy guinea pig,” Evelyn said, giving him an adoring smile.Gil placed the rest of the meal on the table and seated himself before he poured the wine.“Ryanne is going to look into selling the house in Iowa,” Evelyn told him.“Are you sure you want to do that?” Gil looked from mother to daughter.“It’s a nice vacation house, isn’t it?”“You’ve never been to Iowa in August, or you wouldn’t say that.” Evelyn placed her napkin on her lap.“There are only a few weeks a year when you don’t have to run either the furnace or the air-conditioning.”“It hasn’t been so bad this summer,” Ryanne said somewhat defensively, and wasn’t sure why.She’d perspired buckets in that upstairs bedroom.“We might as well invest the money and let some nice family enjoy the house,” Evelyn replied.Her mother was perfectly correct.Without a doubt that’s what they should do.“We might as well,” Ryanne agreed.She shouldn’t care.She hadn’t been back to that house more than a day or two every couple of years until this summer.She was leaving, anyway.The place would only sit there unoccupied.“I could go rent a movie for you ladies to watch this evening,” Gil offered.“Anything you’d like to see?”“Only if you stay and watch it with us,” Ryanne replied.“That would give me much pleasure, thank you,” he said, obviously touched by her acceptance.After he’d gone that night, Ryanne and her mother sat in the kitchen and had another glass of wine.“I like him a lot,” Ryanne told her.“It must seem strange to you,” Evelyn said.“Me being with another man.”“It does.But it seems right, too.I’m glad you’re happy here.Fulfilled, you know.You deserve it after your life with Dad.”Her mother looked at her oddly.“Whatever do you mean?”“I just mean you didn’t really get a chance to live the life you wanted.Now you’re free to do what you enjoy.”“I lived my life exactly as I wanted,” her mother told her emphatically.“I liked being the wife of a college professor, and all the duties that went along with it.”“The volunteer positions? You liked those?”“Yes! Of course I did.I would have stayed and finished out my life there if things had been different.”“If dad hadn’t run off with another woman.”“Yes.But it happened that way, and I’ve moved on to another phase in my life.”“You weren’t devastated by his betrayal?”“Of course it hurt.But not like it would have if things had been better between us.He is not an easy man to love.”Her feelings in retrospect sounded oddly like Ryanne’s feelings about Mason, now that she’d had time to consider and collect herself.She was still mad as hell, but she didn’t miss him—or want him back—except to pay his debt to her.“I think I feel that way about Mason, too,” she said.“In fact, I don’t know if I ever really did love him.” She took a sip and swallowed.“Did you love Dad?”“Yes, honey, I loved him very much once.”“Do you love Gil?”Evelyn nodded.“Gil’s easy to love.”These days with her mother had been the most enlightening Ryanne had ever spent.Her mother was not the unfulfilled woman she’d always believed.Why had Ryanne ever thought that? Her mother had been satisfied to make a home and perform the duties of a professor’s wife and raise her daughter [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.“Ann Marie’s on night watch.”“Nick,” Ryanne said softly.She’d put all the evidence together.“I saw all the books by your reading chair.”“Uh-huh.”“Do you have a sleep disorder?”He didn’t answer and she feared she’d gone too far.She didn’t share personal things with him, after all.She shouldn’t have asked.She’d stepped over the line into something he had chosen not to tell her about.Silence stretched uncomfortably along the phone line.Chapter TwelveFinally, he said, “Insomnia.”“That must be miserable.”“It’s getting better.I just have to practice the relaxation methods that work for me and keep a schedule.I can’t sleep during the day or drink or smoke, which I don’t do anyway.I need to get bright light during the day, keep a sleep journal—you didn’t read that, did you?”“No.”“And—don’t laugh.”“I don’t think this is a laughing matter.”“Well, I schedule worry time for during the day.I don’t allow myself to worry at night.”“That’s disciplined,” she said, wondering like mad what it was he worried about.“Actually, I’m not supposed to do anything in bed except sleep…but I make an exception for you.”“You mean sleeping with me?”“No, I mean sex.”She laughed.“Well, the kitchen table would be a little uncomfortable.”He laughed, too, and then silence stretched between them.“Rye,” he said softly.“What?”He paused a moment too long.“I, uh, miss you.”“I’ll probably stay a few more days.”“Enjoy your time with your mom.Give her my love.”A little thrill of alarm went through her chest at his simple words.“I will.”“Night.”“Good night, Nick.” She stared at her hand on the phone, felt the chugging of her heart at Nick’s mention of the word love, even spoken so casually and in reference to her mother.Ryanne had the feeling he’d wanted to say something more to her.That terrified her.Turning off the light, she snuggled under the sheet and lightweight blanket.Don’t worry at night.That was a good theory, if you could put it into practice.In the depths of night, her mind sometimes drove her crazy with troubling thoughts and memories.What problems did Nick have to keep him awake? His life seemed so orderly, so simple, and he always seemed satisfied with it.Didn’t he? Sure, maybe he regretted that his marriage hadn’t worked out, but Ryanne had never picked up on any feelings that he was still grieving over his ex-wife.His voice in her ear was still a tangible memory.She closed her eyes and savored it.I miss you.Dangerous.Risky.Too much.Way too much.Honest.Nick was honest with her.With himself.He missed her.She couldn’t even let herself return the thought.She couldn’t afford to miss him.If she missed him now, she’d miss him more when she took a job and left.Nope, she wasn’t going there.Ryanne turned her thoughts to the job offers she’d received earlier in the week.After two promising phone interviews, she had narrowed her choice down.Now she vowed to make a decision on one of them before she went back to Elmwood.It was time to stop playing games and get back to real life.She’d been closing off reality for too long.Nick Sinclair wasn’t part of her real life.“Your mother told me you were beautiful, but I thought that was just a mother’s biased opinion,” Gil Redding said the next evening as they stood in the kitchen.Ryanne blushed at the compliment.“Thank you.”“I hope you like blackened salmon.” Gil tossed a colorful green salad and then served it up onto salad plates.“I love salmon,” Ryanne said.“Good.” He added mandarin oranges and slivered almonds and drizzled the salad with poppy seed dressing.“Want to set these on the table?”“Everything is so pretty and smells wonderful.” She and her mother took their places.“I practice on your mother for my show.It’s all perfectly nutritious, you know.We watch our diet carefully.”“I’m a healthy guinea pig,” Evelyn said, giving him an adoring smile.Gil placed the rest of the meal on the table and seated himself before he poured the wine.“Ryanne is going to look into selling the house in Iowa,” Evelyn told him.“Are you sure you want to do that?” Gil looked from mother to daughter.“It’s a nice vacation house, isn’t it?”“You’ve never been to Iowa in August, or you wouldn’t say that.” Evelyn placed her napkin on her lap.“There are only a few weeks a year when you don’t have to run either the furnace or the air-conditioning.”“It hasn’t been so bad this summer,” Ryanne said somewhat defensively, and wasn’t sure why.She’d perspired buckets in that upstairs bedroom.“We might as well invest the money and let some nice family enjoy the house,” Evelyn replied.Her mother was perfectly correct.Without a doubt that’s what they should do.“We might as well,” Ryanne agreed.She shouldn’t care.She hadn’t been back to that house more than a day or two every couple of years until this summer.She was leaving, anyway.The place would only sit there unoccupied.“I could go rent a movie for you ladies to watch this evening,” Gil offered.“Anything you’d like to see?”“Only if you stay and watch it with us,” Ryanne replied.“That would give me much pleasure, thank you,” he said, obviously touched by her acceptance.After he’d gone that night, Ryanne and her mother sat in the kitchen and had another glass of wine.“I like him a lot,” Ryanne told her.“It must seem strange to you,” Evelyn said.“Me being with another man.”“It does.But it seems right, too.I’m glad you’re happy here.Fulfilled, you know.You deserve it after your life with Dad.”Her mother looked at her oddly.“Whatever do you mean?”“I just mean you didn’t really get a chance to live the life you wanted.Now you’re free to do what you enjoy.”“I lived my life exactly as I wanted,” her mother told her emphatically.“I liked being the wife of a college professor, and all the duties that went along with it.”“The volunteer positions? You liked those?”“Yes! Of course I did.I would have stayed and finished out my life there if things had been different.”“If dad hadn’t run off with another woman.”“Yes.But it happened that way, and I’ve moved on to another phase in my life.”“You weren’t devastated by his betrayal?”“Of course it hurt.But not like it would have if things had been better between us.He is not an easy man to love.”Her feelings in retrospect sounded oddly like Ryanne’s feelings about Mason, now that she’d had time to consider and collect herself.She was still mad as hell, but she didn’t miss him—or want him back—except to pay his debt to her.“I think I feel that way about Mason, too,” she said.“In fact, I don’t know if I ever really did love him.” She took a sip and swallowed.“Did you love Dad?”“Yes, honey, I loved him very much once.”“Do you love Gil?”Evelyn nodded.“Gil’s easy to love.”These days with her mother had been the most enlightening Ryanne had ever spent.Her mother was not the unfulfilled woman she’d always believed.Why had Ryanne ever thought that? Her mother had been satisfied to make a home and perform the duties of a professor’s wife and raise her daughter [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]