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.D.wanted the same thing Steve scompany wanted, what I had tested for inthe dig tunnels.And now J.D.was gone.Idesperately wanted to believe it wasbecause of me.His kisses had been sotender.Our bodies had melded togetherso perfectly.I m here, he d said.I mhere now.And when I heard his voicethe world was safe again.On some levelit had to be real. I wanted him to be in as muchpain as I was in. Now, Ms.Deven, we do haveone problem remaining, Dr.Bartonsaid. You re six units short on yourdegree. We worked out a schedule forme for the fall, and Dr.Barton gave methe paperwork to get the ball rolling onmy PhD application.I wasn t excitedabout it, but I didn t know what else todo.Steve Heron had been right aboutone thing.My whole life alternatedbetween can t and have to.At least Dr.Barton was willing to continue as myadvisor, even though I d dropped out ofhis pet project.My next stop was the student union.I d arranged to meet Steve thesame place as before to return thescanner.I was early, so I went inside tobuy a cold drink.It was only midmorning, and it had to be over eightydegrees out.I needed something cold forthe drive to my final errand at theGalleria to try on bridesmaid dresses.I picked up a forty-eight ouncerand filled it with ice before putting in thetea.The union was practically empty.Onmy way to the exit an argument echoedfrom the other side of the wall, thecorridor to the bathrooms.I didn t thinkanything about it until a certain namewas mentioned. You owe me. A woman svoice. J.D.threw me out.They deactivated my badge.I ve losteverything.My severance, my stockoptions.I ve lost him. J.D.Reider was never yours tolose. I recognized Steve s voice. Oursources say he was using you the sameway you used him. He loves me! He justdoesn t& He just doesn t realize it? Steve laughed. How many women havesung that song? Poor sad Nicole.A manin love doesn t throw his woman underthe bus. Whatever.You still owe me.Istole that scanner for you, and they knowit.They ll file charges. J.D.was telling the truth. But they don t know it.You repathetic, Nicole, but you re not stupid.You wouldn t admit to such a crime, andthey have no proof.But I have proof.Ihave the scanner, and I have the MolyMochecks you cashed. He was lying to her.He didn thave the scanner yet. You bastard, she said. Leave my mother out of this.Ba-da-boom.What? No sense of humor?Nicole, Nicole.Here s my advice.TellBlueMagick you want a nice fatseverance package or you ll sue forsexual harassment.And stay away fromme and MolyMo.I never want to see youagain. Bastard. She was crying now. The click-click-click of someonerunning in stacked heels got louder.Iflattened myself against the wall as thered-haired girl emerged from thecorridor and headed for the studentunion door.Crap! Any second, Steve wasbound to follow.No way was I givinghim that scanner.I spun and rushed in theopposite direction out of the building,circling the long way around when I gotoutside.I made it to my car, but Icouldn t relax until after the split toBusiness 80.Hell, I didn t relax until I pulledup at Nordstrom s at the Galleria and noone followed me into the store.I foundLisa waiting in a dressing room upstairs, a strapless pale pink gown hanging nextto her. Here you go, she said. Trythis on.Stacey s getting into hers rightnow. I stepped into a cubicle andstripped off my sweaty clothes.My heartwas still pounding, and I couldn t getSteve s cruel voice or Nicole sdesperation out of my head.I wished& I wished I d beengenerous with J.D.Understanding.Notso fucking fragile and quick to takeoffense.He had his reasons for hidinghis identity, and none of them were abouthurting me.After all, as Stacey said, hecame to Foresthill to save me.My phone buzzed, and I dug it out of my bag.It was a text messagefrom Steve: Did I miss you?Suddenly everything was clear,even as it was all falling apart.I knewwhat I had to do.I took the MolyMocheck out of my bag. Fuck! I ripped itto shreds before I could think twice. You okay in there? Lisa said. Yeah, fine, I said. It snothing. I took a picture of the shreddedcheck with my phone.It was the rightthing to do, but that didn t stop me fromcrying inside as I attached the picture tomy answer: Returning scanner torightful owner.Won t be depositingcheck. Oh, Stacey, Lisa said on the other side of the curtain. You regorgeous.You re going to show me up atmy own wedding. I felt wobbly.In the last hour, I dgiven away $56,000 and lost the chanceto pay off another $150,000 in debts.And I wasn t finished.I knew what I hadto do.I had to sell the house. Best bridesmaid dresses ever. I put on a smile and opened the curtain. Can someone zip me up? Aunt Nora, you re beautiful, Stacey said. Your expression is priceless, Isaid. I actually believe you. J.D. s going to fall in love withyou all over again, Lisa said.But J.D.was gone.And I was the one who sent him away.I was alone. Chapter 23Orcas Island.Third Friday inJulyOne day on the island was prettymuch like any other.I d retreated into atimeless world, like summer vacationswhen I was a kid.The only marker oftime s passing was the Fourth of Julyfireworks in Eastsound put on by theOrcas Island Chamber of Commerce.That was a week ago.Or maybe two.Off shore an occasional speedboat buzzed through the sound ofseagulls and surf.Scarlett had gonedown to feed the dogs, and Mom wasworking in her garden.I was set up onthe lanai with a guitar in my lap and a pad of paper on the table in front of me.I spent most days out here,pretending to keep busy.Surfing theinternet.Writing a song.My thoughts ofNora had diminished to every hourinstead of every minute.Most of the timeit was nothing specific.I didn t picture her dark eyes,beautiful and sad with the occasionalflicker of humor that made me want tothrow her down and climb all over herand taste every inch of her skin.I didn t play her sobbing screamsat the cabin in my head repeatedly andwant to kill the tattooed murderer withmy own bare hands.I didn t fantasize swooping intoNora s life like Sir Lancelot to carry her away to a happily ever after only tohave her cut me down with a slicinglook of betrayal and disgust.Get out! Iheard those words every night as I triedto fall asleep and every morning as Ibegan another day.Mostly I didn t think of thesethings.Mostly I watched the ocean andthe birds and walked in the garden andlistened to Mom s bad jokes andScarlett s rants about how the US hadbecome a totalitarian police state.Andunderneath it all, my life took on aconstant low-grade sense of emptiness,an emptiness I d never be able to fill.The place created by the gods for Nora.Nora, who hated me.Scarlett dropped a bag of dog food on the lanai s tile floor and wentinside.A few minutes later she was backwith two glasses of iced coffee.Shehanded me one and sat down at the table. How is your song comingalong? She nodded at Mom s guitar, anold Taylor 810 that had a mellowed,gorgeous sound. I m just fooling around. I setthe guitar down in its stand and closedmy journal.I d finished a couple ofverses, but the song wasn t close toready to show anyone.I took a sip of theiced coffee and leaned back in my chair [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
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.D.wanted the same thing Steve scompany wanted, what I had tested for inthe dig tunnels.And now J.D.was gone.Idesperately wanted to believe it wasbecause of me.His kisses had been sotender.Our bodies had melded togetherso perfectly.I m here, he d said.I mhere now.And when I heard his voicethe world was safe again.On some levelit had to be real. I wanted him to be in as muchpain as I was in. Now, Ms.Deven, we do haveone problem remaining, Dr.Bartonsaid. You re six units short on yourdegree. We worked out a schedule forme for the fall, and Dr.Barton gave methe paperwork to get the ball rolling onmy PhD application.I wasn t excitedabout it, but I didn t know what else todo.Steve Heron had been right aboutone thing.My whole life alternatedbetween can t and have to.At least Dr.Barton was willing to continue as myadvisor, even though I d dropped out ofhis pet project.My next stop was the student union.I d arranged to meet Steve thesame place as before to return thescanner.I was early, so I went inside tobuy a cold drink.It was only midmorning, and it had to be over eightydegrees out.I needed something cold forthe drive to my final errand at theGalleria to try on bridesmaid dresses.I picked up a forty-eight ouncerand filled it with ice before putting in thetea.The union was practically empty.Onmy way to the exit an argument echoedfrom the other side of the wall, thecorridor to the bathrooms.I didn t thinkanything about it until a certain namewas mentioned. You owe me. A woman svoice. J.D.threw me out.They deactivated my badge.I ve losteverything.My severance, my stockoptions.I ve lost him. J.D.Reider was never yours tolose. I recognized Steve s voice. Oursources say he was using you the sameway you used him. He loves me! He justdoesn t& He just doesn t realize it? Steve laughed. How many women havesung that song? Poor sad Nicole.A manin love doesn t throw his woman underthe bus. Whatever.You still owe me.Istole that scanner for you, and they knowit.They ll file charges. J.D.was telling the truth. But they don t know it.You repathetic, Nicole, but you re not stupid.You wouldn t admit to such a crime, andthey have no proof.But I have proof.Ihave the scanner, and I have the MolyMochecks you cashed. He was lying to her.He didn thave the scanner yet. You bastard, she said. Leave my mother out of this.Ba-da-boom.What? No sense of humor?Nicole, Nicole.Here s my advice.TellBlueMagick you want a nice fatseverance package or you ll sue forsexual harassment.And stay away fromme and MolyMo.I never want to see youagain. Bastard. She was crying now. The click-click-click of someonerunning in stacked heels got louder.Iflattened myself against the wall as thered-haired girl emerged from thecorridor and headed for the studentunion door.Crap! Any second, Steve wasbound to follow.No way was I givinghim that scanner.I spun and rushed in theopposite direction out of the building,circling the long way around when I gotoutside.I made it to my car, but Icouldn t relax until after the split toBusiness 80.Hell, I didn t relax until I pulledup at Nordstrom s at the Galleria and noone followed me into the store.I foundLisa waiting in a dressing room upstairs, a strapless pale pink gown hanging nextto her. Here you go, she said. Trythis on.Stacey s getting into hers rightnow. I stepped into a cubicle andstripped off my sweaty clothes.My heartwas still pounding, and I couldn t getSteve s cruel voice or Nicole sdesperation out of my head.I wished& I wished I d beengenerous with J.D.Understanding.Notso fucking fragile and quick to takeoffense.He had his reasons for hidinghis identity, and none of them were abouthurting me.After all, as Stacey said, hecame to Foresthill to save me.My phone buzzed, and I dug it out of my bag.It was a text messagefrom Steve: Did I miss you?Suddenly everything was clear,even as it was all falling apart.I knewwhat I had to do.I took the MolyMocheck out of my bag. Fuck! I ripped itto shreds before I could think twice. You okay in there? Lisa said. Yeah, fine, I said. It snothing. I took a picture of the shreddedcheck with my phone.It was the rightthing to do, but that didn t stop me fromcrying inside as I attached the picture tomy answer: Returning scanner torightful owner.Won t be depositingcheck. Oh, Stacey, Lisa said on the other side of the curtain. You regorgeous.You re going to show me up atmy own wedding. I felt wobbly.In the last hour, I dgiven away $56,000 and lost the chanceto pay off another $150,000 in debts.And I wasn t finished.I knew what I hadto do.I had to sell the house. Best bridesmaid dresses ever. I put on a smile and opened the curtain. Can someone zip me up? Aunt Nora, you re beautiful, Stacey said. Your expression is priceless, Isaid. I actually believe you. J.D. s going to fall in love withyou all over again, Lisa said.But J.D.was gone.And I was the one who sent him away.I was alone. Chapter 23Orcas Island.Third Friday inJulyOne day on the island was prettymuch like any other.I d retreated into atimeless world, like summer vacationswhen I was a kid.The only marker oftime s passing was the Fourth of Julyfireworks in Eastsound put on by theOrcas Island Chamber of Commerce.That was a week ago.Or maybe two.Off shore an occasional speedboat buzzed through the sound ofseagulls and surf.Scarlett had gonedown to feed the dogs, and Mom wasworking in her garden.I was set up onthe lanai with a guitar in my lap and a pad of paper on the table in front of me.I spent most days out here,pretending to keep busy.Surfing theinternet.Writing a song.My thoughts ofNora had diminished to every hourinstead of every minute.Most of the timeit was nothing specific.I didn t picture her dark eyes,beautiful and sad with the occasionalflicker of humor that made me want tothrow her down and climb all over herand taste every inch of her skin.I didn t play her sobbing screamsat the cabin in my head repeatedly andwant to kill the tattooed murderer withmy own bare hands.I didn t fantasize swooping intoNora s life like Sir Lancelot to carry her away to a happily ever after only tohave her cut me down with a slicinglook of betrayal and disgust.Get out! Iheard those words every night as I triedto fall asleep and every morning as Ibegan another day.Mostly I didn t think of thesethings.Mostly I watched the ocean andthe birds and walked in the garden andlistened to Mom s bad jokes andScarlett s rants about how the US hadbecome a totalitarian police state.Andunderneath it all, my life took on aconstant low-grade sense of emptiness,an emptiness I d never be able to fill.The place created by the gods for Nora.Nora, who hated me.Scarlett dropped a bag of dog food on the lanai s tile floor and wentinside.A few minutes later she was backwith two glasses of iced coffee.Shehanded me one and sat down at the table. How is your song comingalong? She nodded at Mom s guitar, anold Taylor 810 that had a mellowed,gorgeous sound. I m just fooling around. I setthe guitar down in its stand and closedmy journal.I d finished a couple ofverses, but the song wasn t close toready to show anyone.I took a sip of theiced coffee and leaned back in my chair [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]